That "R" Word

A couple of years ago when I was in an elevator with Lauren, two women started tossing the word "retarded" around in a derogatory way.  I was so taken aback that I kind of stood there with my mouth open.  Lauren told me that teenagers use that word jokingly, not really thinking twice that it might possibly offend somebody. That makes me kind of sad that the younger generation thinks that is okay, it really isn't. There is the best website connected with the Special Olympics, here is the link: http://www.r-word.org/ .  It stands for "spread the word to end the word."  When the word "retard" or "retarded" is used within the content of a joke, in a derogatory way, as slang or as a slur, it is incredibly offensive, disrespectful and insulting to an entire segment of the population. Instead, let's use the word "special needs." I truly can't wrap my mind around how people actually think it's funny to use the "r" word in a joke.  It really isn't humorous at all and it is never acceptable.  I know that I can't go back in time, but I really wish I could - I would have jumped up on my "soapbox" and said something to those women in the elevator!  

"Helicopter" Dads??

During spring break, Lauren went on a tour of the local university.  The hubby is much more familiar with the campus, so he drove her over to the building where the tour was starting.  When he got back home from dropping her off, I asked him how it went.  He said when he took Lauren to the room where the tour was beginning, there were already kids in the room waiting for the tour to start. Only one kid still had their parent hanging out with them. I asked him if he had thought about waiting with Lauren until the tour "officially" started and his response back to me was, "well, I don't want to be a "helicopter dad."  Dads, I think are sometimes especially overprotective of their daughters.  I know my own dad still kind of is even though I will be 50 in a few weeks :)  My hubby has two sons, but Lauren is his only daughter. Since the hubby is an only child and didn't have any sisters, he isn't quite sure about the "girl" stuff sometimes! Case in point -  I took Lauren looking for bathing suits a few months ago. She knows that before I will buy her a suit, it has to pass my final "inspection." The hubby's response when he saw one of the suits on her was, "you're not wearing that out in public, are you??" Poor guy, I think if he had his way, she would wear a bathing suit from the 1900's. I think it was easier for him when one of Lauren's only main requirements was a bottle :)
 

My husband is a great father.  When I met him, my stepson was just about to turn 7.  He has always been there for my stepson when he has been needed - hard to believe he will be 30 in January!!  They have always had a great relationship and even though he now lives far away, they have a close bond. They can talk about sports for hours :) Many men my husband's age have grandchildren Dominic's age.  I think he likes to blow people's minds by telling them he has an 8-year old!  I love when my stepson visits and my husband is surrounded by the three kids.  It is one of the coolest things to watch, especially considering the wide age ranges. It is a fine line for fathers, you want to give them their independence and teach them the skills they will need throughout their lifetime, but at the same time, sometimes you want to help them more than they need to be helped.  I think being a "semi-helicopter" dad is good - be "hovering" just in case!

Dressing Room "Etiquette"

Yesterday, Lauren and I went shopping for some clothes for her (now is the best time to find deals on anything summer related - which is what she needed), plus of course I had some coupons that were expiring soon! Anyways, given that she was going to be trying things on meant we were going to be using a dressing room.  I have written posts about etiquette in the library, parking lots and manners in general, but based on yesterday's experiences and past ones, I felt that a post needed to be written about dressing room "etiquette."  Hang on, I'm hopping way up on my soapbox!!  The following are some rules that I wish my fellow shoppers would adhere to.  Rule #1 - to the woman a few feet away from us at one of the major department stores yesterday afternoon, while I'm sure you were happy to hear from your friend on your cell phone, launching into a ten-minute conversation about getting your hair done and your upcoming vacation to Illinois, at a minimum, could you please take your phone off the speaker setting? We could hear every morsel of your conversation, plus what your friend was saying.  Rule #2 - if you blow your nose, please put your used tissue in the nearest trashcan, not on the floor or on the seat in the dressing room.  Rule #3 - as hungry and thirsty as we all get while shopping, would it possible to find the nearest bench outside the dressing room to eat?  Finding bits of food on the floor is not very appetizing!  Rule #4 - if you try on a bunch of clothes and they don't fit, could you please put them back on the hanger and return them to the rack outside the dressing rooms? or to the attendant? Tossing them on the floor, on the chair or even hanging them on the hook inside the room makes it hard for the person coming after you to find available space to try on their clothes.  Rule #5 - if the store is really busy and dressing rooms are at a premium, could you please try to adhere to the limit specified by the store?  Trying on 20 outfits when there is a long line of people is a sure way to get dirty looks.  Rule #6 - if you must change your child's diaper in the dressing room, could you please put the dirty one in the nearest trashcan?  Rule #7 - chewing gum does give you fresh breath, but when the gum is done, please wrap it up in a napkin or tissue and take it with you to dispose of later. Rule #8 - I absolutely love children, but if I'm trying on a bathing suit, it's probably not a good idea to have your child(ren) peek under the dressing room door and start a conversation with me.  Now that I'm done, I'll jump back down off the soapbox! I'm not asking too much of my fellow shoppers, am I??  Let me know your thoughts!!

Memories of My Grandparents

As much as I love digital cameras and being able to see a picture instantly, I still like to have pictures that I can hold in my hands and look at.  I guess with Lauren just recently turning 17, I was getting a little nostalgic and started looking through old photos.  While sorting through a bunch I found this picture:

The little girl sitting on the older man's lap is me when I was about a year and a half old.  The older man is my grandfather.  He passed away when I was about 5 1/2 years old.  I'm pretty sure that is one of my cousins sitting in the chair :)  One of the very few memories I have of my grandfather (my mom's dad) was riding in the front seat between him and my grandma in a car that had a green interior (a Buick maybe)?  I was so incredibly blessed to have had my grandmother for so long. This picture is from 20 years ago of my grandma and I, but it's a favorite:

The picture below is her holding Lauren.

She passed away when I was pregnant with Dominic, she lived to be 101.  My other grandmother (my dad's mom) is in the picture below:

She is holding me on her lap.  The gentleman on the far right was her husband (my grandpa).  My grandmother was a very honest person and would tell it like it is (kind of like me).  My grandfather was able to attend my wedding to my hubby in 1995, but he passed a few years after that.  I love this picture of all four of my grandparents together.

 

I think it's cool because they are all dressed up. Guessing from the long coats my grandmothers are wearing, I'm guessing it was the fall or winter.  This is the only picture I can remember seeing where they were all together posing for the camera.  My stepson and Lauren were fortunate enough to have met my mom's mother and my dad's father.  Not a lot of kids can say they knew two of their great-grandparents.  If your children are lucky enough to still have their grandparents (or great-grandparents) they are making great memories to be able to carry with them throughout their lives.  I know I have wonderful ones of mine!

Patience

One thing that kids teach you is patience.  When they are babies and cry, you have to try and figure out why they are crying.  Since babies can't tell you why they are crying, you have to try and guess. Are they wet, need a hug, want a bottle, to be nursed?  A lot of times you can tell by the type of cry what they want.  As they get older and learn to walk, you have to be patient as they toddle, then fall, toddle then fall, until one day they walk or run right towards you.  As they get even older (tweens and teens), if you ask them how their day went and they say, "fine" you have to be patient and hopefully they will REALLY tell you what happened in their day.  When you are a parent of a special needs child, you really learn the meaning of the word "patient."  Milestones are much, much harder to achieve and sometimes they never are. Right now, we are dealing with an issue with Dominic that is really testing our patience. After months of really hard work, we finally had him fully potty trained.  He was doing great!  Then, he got the worst migraine he has ever had in his life and has regressed back almost to square one.  When Dominic gets a migraine, he gets very sick and it usually takes a few days for his tummy to get back to eating "full strength." When he started feeling better, we tried to encourage him to start using the potty again and the more we pushed, the more he resisted. Potty training is all about the control.  This is when Dominic having Autism really stinks.  We have asked him many times why he doesn't want to do it and he can't answer us.  It is frustrating with a capital "F."  We know he can do it because he was before he got the migraine.  When my husband comes home from work, it's almost the first thing out of his mouth that he's asking me about.  It's become pretty much the main topic of conversation.  We are trying really hard to not let Dominic know we are really frustrated with him, but he is very in tune to us and I know he thinks we are. Everyone at his school are being really patient with him too, but I'm sure it's tough for them because they worked so hard to get him fully trained.  I keep trying to tell the hubby that using the bathroom is a lifelong social skill and that we can't create so much anxiety for him.  We are confident that Dominic will get back to being fully trained, we just have to be patient!

Initiating Communication

One of the characteristics of Autism is the difficulty in social interaction. A constant challenge for Dominic is initiating communication from others. He still has difficulty with the back and forth of a conversation.  I love when the hubby comes home from work and I hear Dominic spontaneously say, "hello, daddy!" It's a HUGE thing that he does that.  For the past couple of days, Dominic has been initiating communication from me.  Even though he is way past the age an almost 9-year old would want to play with a baby toy, Dominic really loves this set of Fisher Price rings:

What he's been doing, is to put the blue one on the bottom and then he'll take the very top one and put that one on next, even though he knows that's not right.  He'll then look at me and wait for me to say or do something.  I say, "no, no, no, that doesn't go there!" and he'll start laughing like it's the absolute funniest thing he has even heard.  It is very cool, first of all to hear him laugh so hard, but more importantly, he is looking for a response from me!  Sometimes, I wish he communicated more (like, so he could tell us why he is so terrified of bugs), but I thank my lucky stars all the time for how much progress he has made. For parents who have children that can't communicate at all, I can somewhat relate. The first three years of Dominic's life he was in his own world quite often and didn't "let us in" except for very brief moments.  It was really, really hard, especially with someone with as big of a mouth as I have.  Just as I was finishing writing this post he said, "hello, mommy!" as he ran into the other room.  I told him hi back.  If you have children that communicate with you freely, be grateful and don't take it for granted, not even for a minute!

What Would You Have Done??

A handful of months ago, someone found a check of mine in a parking lot and took the time to put it in an envelope and mail it back to me. I was sincerely touched. Well, a few weeks ago when I was coming out of the grocery store, I noticed there was something under the windshield wiper of my car. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was a utility bill in an envelope.  I think what happened is, somebody found it on the ground, near my car and assumed it was mine, so they tucked it under the wiper.  The bill looked ready to go, it was addressed, had a return address, was sealed up and had an uncancelled stamp on it.  Since the grocery store and the post office are pretty close to each other, I zipped over and put it in the mail box. I guess I could have tossed the envelope on the ground, but that's not my style.  I felt since someone a few months back took the time to mail me back my check, I needed to take the time to mail this bill that was under my wiper.  I really couldn't live with myself if I hadn't mailed it. It could have been an elderly person who is on a fixed income or a single mom on a limited income. Maybe if they didn't pay this particular bill their electricity might be shut off.  I have no way of knowing, I just knew that I had to mail it.  When I relayed the story to my husband, he said he would have mailed the bill too.  How about you? What would you have done? Would you have taken the time to do something like this for someone you didn't know??